"The Hills" have cries, too

BY MAT HERRON & SARA HAVENS

The Hills
Season 3, Episodes 20 & 21: “Back To L.A.” & “An Unlikely Friend”
MTV; Mondays at 10 p.m., aired March 31. Starring Lauren Conrad, Audrina Partridge, Whitney Port, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt.
Synopsis: Lauren and Whitney’s time in Paris has come to an end, and now everything is different. Whitney leaves Teen Vogue. Lauren is in for an unpleasant surprise on her first day back at the Fashion Institute.

Sara: Yes! Now this is a show I love. A spin-off of MTV’s popular “Laguna Beach” reality show, “The Hills” follows the ever-so-stressful life of California yuppie Lauren Conrad. She’s got a sweet internship at Teen Vogue. She attends class from time to time. She lives in a posh West Hollywood apartment with her best friend Audrina. And she parties all the time. But yet Blondie has drama everywhere she turns. It must be so tough to be rich, young, beautiful and constantly trailed by a camera crew.

Mat: Let it be duly noted that you just used “California yuppie” and “stressful” in the same sentence. Put another notch in the “Kill MTV” column. Fewer videos. Less depth. Now it’s soaps about dopes. Granted, incredibly hot dopes, but dopes nonetheless. I cannot empathize with people who live in a place where it’s sunny every day.

Sara: So Lauren and Whitney get back from Paris and immediately make life changes. Whitney leaves Teen Vogue to pursue a bigger and better career in the fashion industry, and Lauren rolls her eyes at Brody. Have I been watching too much “L Word,” or did you think Whitney and Lauren were totally going to get it on in the Vogue offices on her last day? W: “I don’t know how I’m going to walk into my office and not see your face every day.” L: “Awww, you wore the same bag as you wore the first day. The first time I met you, you wore that bag.” W: “What are we going to do without each other?”

Mat: You might be onto something. Subtext is ever-present, but their sweet-nothings are more harmless schoolgirl jabber than carnal lust.

Sara: I absolutely loathe Spencer. Asshole! Does he remind you of Beavis?

Mat: Beavis might have more going on upstairs. Not dating again? Wait, is that melodrama I smell? What a crock. Although, Heidi’s a bit naïve, too. If you give up all your friends over a relationship, you can’t blame anyone but yourself.

Sara: After ending world hunger and all the wars and stuff, my next wish would be for Lauren and Heidi to be BFFs again. Don’t think it’s gonna happen, though. Now that Spencer’s sister Stephanie (aka Heidi’s best friend) has computer class with Lauren, the two have forged a bond that will definitely put Speidi in a tizzy.

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