BY SARA HAVENS & BEN SCHNEIDER
Lost
Season 4, Episode 13: “There’s No Place Like Home”
ABC, Thursdays, 9 p.m., aired May 29. Starring Matthew Fox, Jorge Garcia, Evangeline Lilly, Terry O’Quinn, Naveen Andrews and Josh Holloway.
Synopsis: As the face-off between the survivors and the freighter people continues, the Oceanic Six find themselves closer to rescue. Sayid goes back to the island to bring the rest of the people to the freighter. Ben and Locke go to The Orchid in order to “move the island.”
Sara: Our coworker Buddy, aka Ben Schneider, is LEO’s resident “Lost” expert. I’ve run to him every Friday morning since the show’s been on for an immediate debriefing. Like a trusty foreign language dictionary, he translates Lostspeak into concepts my feeble, sitcom-saturated mind can grasp. So naturally, I invited him to sit in for this week’s Cable Boxing on the two-hour “Lost” season finale. My first question for Buddy: How do you frickin’ move an island?!
Buddy: Move an island? That’s easy! Ben showed us how: Simply turn the big cog thingy in the polar cave next to the walk-in, bunny-rabbit, time-travel microwave (and if you’ve seen this episode, you know I’m NOT making any of that up). It looked pretty ancient and “low-tech” compared with the 1970s-era electronics they keep finding in the DHARMA hatches. So I’m guessing it was built by the same people who erected the big, four-toed statue that Sayid, Sun and Jin saw from a boat a few seasons back. But as for HOW the big cog thingy actually moved the island … uh … I’ll go with magnets. Sure, why not?
Sara: Well, that clears it up. Thanks. So do you think Jin and Michael are fish food now? Can’t believe Sun had to watch her baby’s daddy be blown to bits.
Buddy: When it comes to most people, watching your baby’s daddy become fish food would pretty much guarantee a spot on therapy couches for life. But Sun seems to be exploring alternative counseling through corporate evil. If Jin did survive by some miracle, I wonder if he’ll approve. Out of everyone on that island, he’s grown the most, and I hate that he’s gone.
I’m pretty sure Michael is dead. All this year he’s been bulletproof because “the island” needed him to live. But the moment before the explosion, he was visited by Christian — Jack’s dead father — who seems to be the spokesman for all things cah-razy. He told Michael: “You can go now,” which I assume means his obligation is over and he’s been cleared for death. Next second — BOOM. And goodbye Jin.
Sara: Sawyer looked pretty spiffy dripping wet from his swim — any chance of a drunken tryst between him and Juliet … you know, after we figure out where the island went?
Buddy: It’s a good bet. From their point of view, all of the other hot people from the plane have been burned alive. And on TV, if you can’t be with the hot one you love (Kate/Jack), then go ahead and love the hot one you’re with.
Sara: So true. Man, you are a genius! Predictions for next year? Looks like the Oceanic Six need to return to the island to rescue those left behind, hopefully not in the Rapture kind of left behind.
Buddy: Mr. Whidmore “changed the rules” when his thug killed Ben’s daughter, so I halfway expect to see Penny (Whidmore’s daughter) murdered by the end of the year. Maybe after four seasons I’m desensitized, but I’ve come to expect that everyone will eventually die horribly. Also, in the same way that Locke has replaced Ben, I think Sun will replace Whidmore as the wealthy and sinister force searching for the island. Keep an eye on her — ever since Jin blew up, she is pissed.
Share your own “Lost” theories with us at leo@leoweekly.com or comment at cableboxing.blogspot.com
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